Why Does Grief Feel So Confusing & Overwhelming

That’s a great question. That is because grief isn’t just one or two feelings and crying. And then, at some point, you’re ‘all better’ and back to life as it was. But your loved one has passed, and your grief feels nothing like what you thought it would.

That’s because grief isn’t just about being sad or missing someone and crying. Grief is something that takes over your whole self. It touches your feelings, your thoughts, your body, your habits, and your relationships with everyone—including yourself. Lots of people think grief follows a neat path or set of stages, but really, it comes in waves—sometimes you’re sort of okay, sometimes it’s intense, sometimes you feel nothing, and sometimes you feel everything at once. Your mind might feel foggy, or like it’s racing with questions, confusion, or sudden bursts of clarity and calm. It’s all normal.

Grief doesn’t just hurt your heart — it disrupts your sense of reality.

The world you knew no longer exists in the same way; your trust in fairness and your future with your loved one have now been erased. And while you feel as if you are in emotional turmoil, everyone else isn’t. While your life has stopped and feels beyond painful, everyone else is living life unbothered.

This sense of feeling out of step can add another layer to your grief, which is natural.  Yet it can make you feel as if there is something wrong with how you are grieving.

And there isn’t, friend.

You’re not failing at grief. You’re not losing your mind. You’re coping the best you can, trying to make sense of something impossibly hard. You’re learning how to live in a world without them here, while still loving them and carrying your grief with you.

You Are Coping, Not Failing At Grieving

What Grief Often Feels Like at First

You may feel shock, numbness, disorientation, emotional emptiness, or brain fog.

Your reactions surprise you — even confuse you with short-temperedness, moodiness, forgetfulness, aches and pains, issues around sleeping and eating, or a withdrawal from the things that used to bring you happiness.

Grief can feel heavy when you have to split yourself into grieving and doing life’s daily chores and demands like work, childcare and bill paying.

You wonder why people in your family aren’t grieving like you are.

You’re trying to understand why friends are pulling away or disappearing.

You question whether you’re grieving the “right” way when advice given to you sounds nothing like what you are doing.

You wonder why you have grief for someone who you were not close to, or you had a difficult or estranged relationship with.

You feel pressure to get “closure” and get back to “normal.”

You try to understand why some people tell you that grieving your person, or your pet, is wrong.

You wonder why some people look at how your loved one passed with judgment.

You may feel like you have to hide your grief away because it makes some people uncomfortable.

You’re tired… So tired of every day filled with loss and grief.

You may wonder if getting some kind of professional support can help you cope with grief.

How Your Grief Can Soften With Support and Understanding

You begin to understand why your grief feels the way it does. And learn how to cope with the permanence of death and grief.

You start to find words for what you’re going through. You realize that what you’re feeling, thinking, and doing in your grief actually makes sense—and somebody has created theories about this experience that legitimize it.

You begin to stop judging your reactions and start practicing compassion and acceptance around your grief.

You learn helpful coping strategies that help steady yourself when grief waves hit.

You begin to see ways to keep your relationship with your loved one alive.

You learn that it’s possible to find some balance in grief and staying connected to  your beloved.

You begin to see how to live forward.

You begin to have new hopes and dreams.

That’s where I come in.

Having someone to walk beside you in your grief can make everything feel a little lighter.

Hi, I’m Jennifer. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, and I wish you didn’t have to feel this pain.

I didn’t come to this work through theory or training alone. I came here after loss – the kind that breaks your heart, changes you, makes your world feel unsafe and unfamiliar, and you wonder how you can ever live without them.

When my beloved Father passed, my heart broke into smithereens, and my world became unfamiliar, and I felt overwhelmed. Grief broke and reshaped me. It propelled me to become a certified Thanatologist [the study of death, dying, and bereavement] grief educator and coach, providing compassionate support, wisdom, information, and hope.

My coaching is built around what I needed after Dad died—I needed a sanctuary to talk about my grief with someone who talked with compassion, understanding and acceptance, where I didn’t feel rushed or judged. I needed someone to help me put words to my grief and find my way through it. I wanted to know how to stay connected with Dad, and how to move forward with my loss in a way that felt gentle and loving. In time, I started to see new possibilities and even have new hopes and dreams.

You don’t have to figure this out by yourself. And you don’t have to live through your grief feeling alone and misunderstood.

When You Feel Ready, Here’s How to Start

You might find it helpful to talk with someone who understands grief — a person who doesn’t see your grief as needing to be ‘fixed’ or managed, but to feel heard and understood. I can be that person.

I offer a complimentary 45-minute discovery call. Its purpose is for you to help me understand your grief and how I can support you. It’s also your opportunity to ask me questions about my coaching and see whether working together feels like a good fit. Nothing more than that.

There’s no obligation, no pressure, and no expectation of ongoing work. It’s about taking care of you and exploring self-care opportunities with a grief coach.